Problem Solved!

HILLARY SAYS, "I HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!"

'...trust me,' she adds.

Fresh off her plan to solve high energy prices by a 3 month 'gas tax' holiday, Hillary Clinton announced she also had come up with solutions to several other problems plaguing society.

Calling a news conference at the local 7-11, and holding an extra large Purple Slurple (an everyday thing for her, her publicist Lloyd Irving Ellison added) Hillary listed all her ideas.

"Take global warming. Major problem, right? No! Here's what we do. We simply adjust the temperature scale down twenty degress, and hey presto! We're in the middle of a cold snap! Get out the parkas," she joked.

"Hey, Lloyd, don't forget my Slim Jims," she called back before going on.

"How about terrorism? Easy as pie. From now on, it's not terrorism, it's a just a major incident. War in Iraq? Not anymore, now it's a party we haven't left yet!"

"I also have some really good ideas for calling second place 'presumptive winner', or maybe 'stand-in'."

"Now, I know some elitist, snobby, know-it-all people with degrees...that have LATIN on them...may find problems with these ideas. As always, it seems like people who know better they we do feel the need to say so." President Bush immediately switched his endorsement to Clinton upon hearing this, saying "At last we agree."

For his part, Obama responded to Hillary's claims with a calm, reasoned "What the f*ck?"